Saturday, February 18, 2017

My Climb Out Of A Spiritual Slump

I can't believe that it has been 3 years since I have blogged! Where does time go...honestly?

A lot has happened while I was away. In August of 2014, we bought our first home! I really have enjoyed making it our own. In June of 2015, we found out we were pregnant shortly after returning home from a vacation to New Zealand and Tahiti. In September, we found out it was a little girl! In October, we went to Peru and stayed at the Treehouse Lodge that my dad built. In November, we went to California with Weston's family for Thanksgiving. On March 2, 2016 we welcomed our baby girl Noa into the world. A day I will never forget! She is almost 1 year old now and that is mind-blowing to me. We love her with all of our hearts. That was a super fast-forwarded version of what I've been up to, but there you go!

I don't know how I feel about myself as a blogger. I don't have anything incredibly profound to say. I don't have a perfect life. I am blessed beyond measure, but it's not perfect. I have been praying to my Heavenly Father and asking what I can do to find my purpose. I am also learning to listen to promptings and follow-through, no matter how bold I need to be. Tonight after I prayed, I listened. For a long time. The only thing that came to my mind was, "Write a blog post." I was slightly confused. I don't have anything to write about. I have hardly any followers. But I'm doing it! I am willing to do what Heavenly Father needs me to do and I am willing to be what He needs me to be. I am in His hands.

I'm going to be vulnerable in this post. That is scary to me...especially on the internet. But, this is my life and the things I am experiencing.

I have found myself in a spiritual slump and I'm ready to climb out of it.

A combination of many things have led to me to where I am now. I have not proactively worked to nourish and strengthen my testimony. I miss too many daily scripture readings. I forget to say my prayers too often. I juggle my little girl during relief society and don't catch all of the lesson. To say the least, I am ready to find my burning testimony again!

I have the most amazing mom! If you know her, you love her. It's as easy as that. She bought my sister Morgan and I tickets to Time Out for Women in Layton this past weekend. If you have never been to a time out for women, (and you're a woman), GO! It was life changing for me! I left feeling buoyed up and ready to change. The speakers gave us so many resources to arise and become the best we could be. I noticed each of the speakers had one thing in common, and it struck a chord with me. They all were great communicators with Heavenly Father and sensitive to His promptings. I want to be that. So I'm working on it!

For a moment during the Saturday session, I started to feel incredibly overwhelmed. These people were amazing. I am nowhere near how amazing they are. They serve without fear, are kind, and stand up for others. Their lives seem so balanced and I'm sure they never miss a scripture study or prayer. I have all these ideas of how I want to my life to look and feel. I just don't even know where to start. I have WAY too much to work on. In fact, there really isn't anything that I'm really good at.

So I made a list. I'm a list kind of person. I love the feeling of crossing things off. Confession...occasionally I will add things to my to-do list that I've already completed, just so I can cross it off. Ok, that's really embarrassing. Maybe I'll delete that. But it's the truth.

I made a list of the qualities and scenarios that I wanted my life to encapsulate. I decided that I would choose one of those things and focus on it for a week, then choose a different one the next week, and so on and so forth. I plan on documenting my progress on this blog. If I do have anyone reading it with me! It's just a little experiment, but I feel hopeful about it.

One of the things I wrote on my list was to strive to have a clean home where the spirit can dwell. I'll admit, cleaning is not a strength of mine. When my house gets really messy, I get overwhelmed, and don't know where to start. (I'm seeing a pattern here.) My laundry piles up, and I'm not the best at making my bed. But I love nothing more than how I feel when my home is clean. My mind feels clear, I can relax, and Weston comes home from work in a much better mood. So my goal is to set my timer for 15-30 minutes each night after Noa goes to sleep and to do a quick pick-up. That's it. I think I can do it!

I'll be back in a week to report how it went!